Coffee Cooler Mistaken For Gatorade Cooler

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — New York Jets players accidently grabbed a coffee samovar instead of the Gatorade cooler last Monday night, dumping 30 gallons of scalding-hot java on coach Rex Ryan, who is currently undergoing rehabilitation at Cedars-Sinai Hospital.

Elated after an overtime field-goal propelled the Jets to a 12-11 victory over the Tennessee Titans, quarterback Mark Sanchez and the offensive line absent-mindedly grabbed a large orange cooler –which was clearly labeled “coffee” with a sharpie on a strip of masking tape – and emptied the contents onto their unsuspecting head coach.

Ryan suffered third-degree burns all along his face, neck, arms, back, legs, and feet, according to medical reports.

“I really thought it was Gatorade,” said cornerback Darelle Revis, who somehow didn’t notice the smell of hot coffee permeating from the large jug. “But it was coffee. Like, really hot coffee.”