Congress Planning Sabbatical for 2013

WASHINGTON — Members of the House of Representatives and Senate today voted to take the year off in order to spend time with family, enroll in some online classes to further their education, and utterly avoid dealing with any of the enormous issues they would otherwise be expected to tackle.

“It was brought to our attention that the American public is expecting us to push through a massive slate of legislation this year, from gun control to immigration reform to dealing with 2011’s sequestration deal,” said House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA). “Next to all that, spending a few months kicking back on a beach started to look real good.”

This will be the first official Congressional Sabbatical since the infamous “Do Nothing Congress” took a break in 1947 to do their part in starting the Baby Boom Generation. Unofficial sabbaticals have been far more frequent, with the most recent example being last year’s “Do Even Less Than Nothing” Congress which snuck out on the American people to update their Facebook pages.

“I was all ready to roll up my sleeves and start doing The People’s Work,” said incoming Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA). “But I got to my desk and found a ginormous pile of issues needing my attention. Fracking, winding down Afghanistan, corporate greed,the debt ceiling crisis, and gay marriage. Plus there’s all these post offices to name. It just got a little overwhelming.”

Political pundits are hailing the decision. “Congress needs to refresh its batteries,” said former MSNBC and unemployed talk show host Keith Olberman. “The last few years, it really seemed like they were just going through the motions.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi assured the American people that Congress would be back to work in 2014. “Honestly, it’s not that big a deal,” she said. “None of these issues are going away any time soon; we’ll tackle them next year. Trust us, you won’t even know we’re gone.”