Conservative Candidate Campaigns for Non-Pious Opponent

Republican Nashville mayoral candidate David Fox, in an effort to reach across the aisle, embarked upon what appears to be the first campaign for a political opponent in recent history.

“She supports the separation of church and state,” he said admiringly of his Democratic opponent, Megan Barry. “She doesn’t support mandatory prayer in public schools and forced participation in religious observances… she even voted against using tax dollars to support a national day of religious coercion,” he went on to gush. “I mean, it’s like she actually knows what’s in the constitution.”

The only person not reeling from this effusive praise, ironically, was Megan Barry herself. “There’ve been a lot of comments from my opponent about my dedication to public service and the laws on which this great nation was founded,” Barry said apologetically. “And while I appreciate his effort to promote me as the superior candidate, I am a Christian. And my faith, which was always very personal to me, has suddenly become a public conversation, which has made me uncomfortable.”

Political commentators are confounded by this exchange. “Normally, politicians are known for smear campaigns against their opponents,” remarked one pundit. “But this is like Goliath calling David courageous and daring. He just keeps pointing out how she’s better suited to represent and serve the people of Nashville. It’s quite literally the opposite of a smear campaign.”

Indeed, Fox has spent tens of thousands of dollars in radio ads and annoying dinner-time calls to constituents in his effort to applaud his opponent, even going so far as to say that she omits the word “god” from the pledge of allegiance in council sessions. Which claim is “absolutely ludicrous,” said At-large Councilman Ronnie Steine, who sat directly next to Barry for the past four years in the council chambers. “I am embarrassed (that) I have to say this out loud, but yes, Megan Barry says the entire Pledge of Allegiance, including the word ‘God.’”

Despite these inaccuracies, Fox’s campaign appears to have worked, since Megan Barry won the election with 55% of the votes. “Now I can finally impose my religious beliefs on the people of Nashville,” Barry gloated at her acceptance speech. “Ha hah, just kidding, I’m an American, not a member of the Taliban,” she clarified.

David Fox could not be reached for comment, though we can only assume he’s happy with the obvious and very predictable results of all his hard work on Barry’s behalf