THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA — Amid reports that the IRS targeted conservative groups for special scrutiny, right-leaning organizations across the nation are expressing relief and elation at finally being proven right about the evils of big government. The scandal—which has already led to the resignation of high-ranking IRS officials—is centered around the Cincinnati office of the IRS, but has put the entire agency in jeopardy, and may even implicate members of the White House staff—developments that prominent conservatives are calling “a wet dream of Washington corruption.”
“I have to tell ya, it’s just fantastic,” said Mark Meckler, cofounder of Tea Party Patriots, one of the groups likely targeted by the IRS. “To be vindicated after all these years of railing against the malevolence of the federal government. Finally some objective, solid proof! The IRS really is an oppressive, big-brother organization! Who would’ve thought?”
“Man I love love love a good scandal, especially one that basically proves government overreach,” said George Hansen, former Republican Congressman and vocal critic of the IRS. “I was starting to worry that maybe I was totally full of shit, but then this happens. Turns out I was actually on to something.”
According to the ongoing investigation, officials at the Cincinnati branch of the IRS singled out groups with phrases like “Constitution” and “Tea Party” in their names for unnecessary—and perhaps burdensome—scrutiny when those groups applied for tax-free status. Allegedly, liberal groups were not subject to the same level of review, and were granted tax-free status with much greater ease. Despite this, many conservatives are praising the IRS for finally behaving like the aggressive, thuggish organization that conservatives “always knew it was.”
“Yes, we were maliciously targeted, and our liberal counterparts were not,” said Ann Becker, president of the Cincinnati Tea Party. “But it was totally worth it. For every extra dollar we might have paid to the federal government, we expect to see a hundred dollars in private donations from people who suddenly see we’ve been right all along about intrusive, big government bullies. It’s pretty much a dream come true.”
“I’m just really happy,” former Rep. Hansen admitted. “It feels so good to have your insane, hyperbolic ramblings finally make sense to someone other than yourself.”
