Dear Leader, Advice from Kim Jong-Un

Kim Jong-un, the leader of the DPRK – the wealthiest, most advanced and prosperous nation on Earth, answers our readers’ financial questions:

Dear Leader,

The stock market is at an all-time high, and I finally found a job after 3 years of unemployment. Should I invest all my extra earnings into stocks?

– confused-yet-optimistic reader


Dear Reader,

Great question! Not as great as the DPRK space program, but great nonetheless. An even better question would be – why are you getting paid extra at work? Shouldn’t the knowledge that you are are working hard to enrich your nation be payment enough? In the DPRK, each worker contributes all they can, and in return are given all they are deemed to need. We used to have a stock market too, but a lot of the animals got really skinny and died once they realized that the great nation of DPRK didn’t need them any more…But I digress. After all, not everybody is lucky enough to be a resident of the DPRK – the most efficient nation on earth. So to answer your question, dear reader, all you must do is listen to The Voice (TV). Follow its teachings and act according to its instructions. What does the voice tell you? That your nation’s stock market is a glistening, golden bull? Then you must obey the voice and feed that bull, feed the golden bull all your extra earnings and rejoice in the blossoming of your nation. My only wish for you is that one day you will know the joy my people feel. Until then, dear reader, my thoughts and wisdom are with you.