Democrats Introduce New ‘Retractable Debt-Dome’ Alternative to Traditional Debt Ceiling

WASHINGTON — On Wednesday morning, congressional Democrats introduced the basic foundations of a new piece of legislation called the “Retractable Debt-Dome Plan,” described by its creator Senator Tom Udall (D-NM) as “an immensely complicated feat of legislative architecture.” The Dome plan is meant to provide a modern solution to the antiquated problems of debt limits, one that “is as evolved as the finest rooftops of our day.”

A committee comprised of prominent economists and noted roofing experts reportedly spent months preparing the plan. In contrast to the current debt ceiling system, which sets a flat and final limit on borrowing ($16.4 trillion at the moment), the Dome plan allows for incremental borrowing and a flexible limit that responds to unexpected circumstances. As is the case with a dome, there are various tiers and levels of ceiling in the plan, and certain triggers (for instance, a natural disaster like Hurricane Sandy) would allow the limit to move closer to the dome’s apex. Of course, with a retractable dome there is no definite limit. The potential is even there, if circumstances aren’t sunny enough, to do away with limits altogether.

“Look, the debt-limit law causing this whole display is from 1917,” said Senator Udall. “That was the age of thatched roofs, when people would hit their heads on the ceilings of their workplaces. This is 2013! Not only do we have enormous retractable domes at stadiums throughout the country, we also have a government that could be subsidizing every single one of them! Also, retracting the dome at times will allow the nation to grow debt naturally, instead of using field turf.”

Senator Udall and others are also urging Obama to force Republicans to bring the debt limit issue before the Supreme Court, with the belief that ceilings themselves are unconstitutional.