Democrats Kick Republicans Out of the Senate

WASHINGTON  – Moments after a historic Senate vote of 52-48 eliminated the use of the filibuster for executive and judicial nominees except in the case of nominees for the Supreme Court, Democrats turned around and voted to just go ahead and kick any and all Republicans out of the Senate once and for all.

“I know that some people may feel we went a little overboard today,” admitted Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV). “But frankly once we took away Senate Republicans’ ability to filibuster, it really didn’t make any sense to keep them around. It’s not like they can do anything.”

Reaction from the GOP for the unprecedented move of barring them from the chamber was understandably harsh.

“This isn’t just a shame for the #Senate; it’s scary and dictatorial for our country. #NuclearOption” tweeted Senator David Vitter (R-LA).

“What we really need is an anti-bullying ordinance in the Senate,” said Senator Rand Paul (R-KY). “I mean, now we’ve got a big bully. Basically [Majority Leader Reid has] become the dictator of the Senate.”

“They succeeded and they will pay a very, very heavy price for it,” said Senator John McCain (R-AZ).

Democrats, meanwhile, breathed a sigh of relief.

“My God, you can’t imagine how good it feels to slam the door on their little weenie-like faces,” said Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY). “Goodbye and good riddance.”

The Democratic decision to bar Republicans from the Senate was surprisingly unanimous. Even Democratic Senators Carl Levin, Joe Manchin, and Mark Pryor, who voted against changing the filibuster rules, joined their Democratic brethren in showing the GOP the door.

“I am not sold on the idea of limiting the ability of the minority to have a say in matters of state by eliminating the filibuster,” said Manchin (D-WV). “However, I’m all for booting the GOP to the curb. Hell, just being able to walk into the Senate chamber without having to smell one of [Republican Senator Orrin] Hatch’s farts is worth it.”