Desperate Boeing Offers Airline Carriers Dreamliner Groupon

SEATTLE — Last week’s rash of mechanical problems aboard Boeing 787 Dreamliners has led to falling stock prices for the aerospace giant and left several airline carriers hesitant to order the craft. However, today Boeing announced a plan to salvage their troubled new jet by teaming up with the daily deal website Groupon, and offering the plane at an unprecedented two for the price of one rate.

The Groupon email highlights the craft’s “state of the art design,” and boasts of “unbelievably smooth flights between emergency landings,” “a less than 50% chance of in-flight incident” and “as of yet, no confirmed fatalities.” The offer has already piqued the interest of several potential buyers.

“The Dreamliner hums peacefully through the air and features the latest in in-flight accommodations,” said Delta Airlines President Edward Bastian. “The only downside is the ongoing Federal Aviation Administration investigation and the threat of a potentially fatal midair fire. But at a 50% discount? We at Delta know a good deal when we see one.”

In a press conference on Monday, Boeing CEO James McNerney stated that he expects the Groupon deal will more than pay for itself after carriers experience the Dreamliner’s cost saving technology and unbeatable accommodations firsthand.

“We know there’s been some bad PR around the 787 Dreamliner, but we’re sure that once carriers experience the craft for themselves, they’ll be hooked,” said McNerney. “Plus, in the unlikely event of an emergency landing, we anticipate customers will be too distracted by their amazing personal selection of in-flight movies, audiobooks and language-learning games to contemplate their own mortality.”