Disgraced Congressmen Lead “Scared Straight” Seminar for Incoming Legislators

WASHINGTON — Taking a page from the NFL’s playbook, on Friday Congress hosted its first ever “Scared Straight” seminar to warn freshman members about the pitfalls of sexting and governance. Keynote speakers Anthony Weiner and Chris Lee, both of whom resigned following embarrassing sexting scandals, addressed the incoming congressmen about the dangers and temptations that come with life as an intensely scrutinized, physically-fit public figure.

Lee, who resigned in February of 2011 after sending a shirtless photo of himself to a woman on Craigslist, emphasized the importance of public accountability and discretion.

“As a representative of the American people, you have a responsibility to make sure you’re acting in the best interest of your constituents at all times,” said Lee. “And if you do feel the need to send pictures of your P-90X body to women on Craigslist, for Christ’s sake, at least make sure they’re from the neck down.”

Weiner echoed his former colleague’s sentiments, noting how easy it can be to lose your sense of right in wrong in Washington.

“I know how it is,” said Weiner. “You arrive as a freshman congressman on top of the world. You begin sharing oddly angled pictures of your genitalia with young, attractive females. You accidentally tweet one of them to all of your followers instead of just her, conservative bloggers take note, and next thing you know your face is on the cover of the New York Post with wiener puns in the headline. It can happen to anyone.”

Other seminar events included proper prophylactic use, the dangers of bipartisan cooperation, and a ceremonial hazing.