Dr. Oz Endorses Congressional Testimony as Guaranteed Weight Loss Program

WASHINGTON – After being grilled by a Congressional consumer protection panel about questionable endorsements of various “miracle” supplements for weight loss, Dr. Mehmet Oz thinks he may have found the ultimate program for dropping pounds: testifying before Congress.

“It was definitely an eye-opener, and a belt-tightener, too,” said the erstwhile TV huckster. “I’m a skinny guy, but when it was all said and done I lost a waist size or two. Trust me, testifying beats the snot out of green tea when it comes to shedding pounds in a hurry. Those guys really gave me a workout.”

Oz was able to split hairs with the panel, telling them that he used “flowery language” to describe the benefits of some supplements but didn’t endorse any specific products or companies. Nonetheless, the panel pointed out that a company making green tea extract used footage from “The Dr. Oz Show” to sell its supplement.

Indirectly or not, many of the products he pitches have seen significant sales spikes after Oz’s numerous appearances with Oprah Winfrey, who has been a guinea pig for some of them.

Oz said he’s talked with Winfrey, who gave him a pep talk in which she said that losing a media empire as a source of “positive stress.” She also told him she’d stick with him “through thick and thin…as long as I don’t get indicted.”

Another Oz confidant is Martha Stewart, the former domestic goddess who did time for lying about her role in an insider trading scandal back in 2004.

“I had a long talk with Martha about this,” Dr. Oz revealed. “She really liked the weight loss idea.

She just said I should make sure I don’t end up in a jump suit,” he added. “Apparently those baloney sandwiches put weight on in a hurry, and she said if that happened I’d just be peddling another fad diet.”

Dr. Oz acknowledged that not everyone has access to Congressional testimony as a weight loss strategy. But he was quick to add that there are plenty of ways around that obstacle.

“We all have our excesses and quirks and foibles,” he explained. “And there are plenty of ways to use those things to generate enough stress to drop some pounds.

It’s definitely a possibility I’ll be exploring in future books and shows,” Oz concluded. “I actually have a call in to Jerry Springer about this.”