WASHINGTON — As the clunky and inefficient implementation of the Affordable Care Act continues, White House officials revealed today the latest gaffe in the administration’s attempt to expand Obamacare: a drone strike against suspected terrorists in Yemen inadvertently resulted in the suspected targets receiving government-provided health insurance.
“A suspected terrorist outpost in Sanaa, Yemen received Medicare eligibility and coverage for preexisting conditions yesterday at approximately 12:39 p.m. local time,” White House press secretary Jay Carney disclosed during this morning’s press briefing. “According to intel on the ground, several Yemeni civilians also inadvertently had their health insurance coverage expanded. We are monitoring the situation closely.”
According to witnesses, an unmanned aerial vehicle appeared “out of nowhere” and began raining down minimum standards and individual mandates without warning.
“It was like, one moment it’s just a normal day, and the next, completed signup forms are raining down from the sky and a whole building is enrolled in the president’s health care plan,” said man who witnessed the event who chose to remain anonymous. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”
The Obama administration has received widespread criticism for its use of drones in the fight against al-Qaeda. A report released Tuesday by Human Rights Watch claimed that drone strikes in Yemen have resulted in the deaths of 57 civilians since 2009. Amnesty International released a similar report this week criticizing the administration’s use of drones in Pakistan as potentially unlawful.
“[T]here are troubles with the [Obamacare] website, the answer is emphatically yes,” Carney admitted. “And now it appears that some of these glitches in the system have spilled over to the War on Terror. Rest assured, the President and his advisors are using every tool at their disposal to make sure Americans receive the medical care they deserve, and terrorists receive the exact opposite of medical care: death. Or ‘free market healthcare’ as I believe Republicans refer to it.”
Carney assured the media that the suspected terrorists would be immediately disbarred from Obamacare benefits “as soon as we figure out how to do that.”
Go kill yourself. You’re more illiterate then an autistic caveman
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