Drone Strike Accidentally Kills Al Qaeda Leader

LANGLEY, Va. — U.S. officials are shocked that a recent drone strike actually killed its intended target, Al Qaeda’s deputy leader, Abu Yahya al-libi.

“I don’t know what happened,” said CIA spokesperson James Petrie.  “We were aiming at him, and we hit him.  I don’t think any of us saw that coming.”

Since 2004, the United States has launched hundreds of drone attacks within Afghanistan and Pakistan as part of its highly touted ‘Say Something, I Dare You’ policy.  According to a recent Stanford University study which places civilian deaths caused by drones at somewhere between 1,500 and 2,500, only 2 percent of those killed in such strikes are actual Al Qaeda targets.

“We think that with any luck, we’ll soon be approaching the 2 and a half percent range of target accuracy,” said Petrie. “One day we’ll get to 3, I just know it.”

President Obama acknowledged the program’s shortcomings, but remained a steadfast supporter. “Listen, the abysmal rate of accuracy is exactly the reason why we should continue to use this method of attack,” he said. “The deaths of a few thousand innocent civilians cannot be allowed to dictate our ability to do whatever we want.”

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  • Avatar of Louie
    Posted December 20, 2012 at 3:17 pm 0Likes

    haha this is as good as the onion

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