WEST MONROE, La. – The cast of the controversial reality-TV show “Duck Dynasty” is preparing to launch a line of assault weapons, according to reports. The line, featuring Mossberg brand weapons endorsed by the “Duck Dynasty” cast, includes nine shotguns and a semi-automatic rifle—weapons that the Robertson family says will “show everyone how straight we really are.”
Phil Robertson, star of “Duck Dynasty” and patriarch of the Robertson family, appears with his sons in several commercials for the weapons featured on the Mossberg website. “Do you know what makes me happy ladies and gentleman?” Robertson says in one of the spots. “To blow a mallard drake’s head smooth off.”
“There’s nothing manlier or less gay than slaughtering ducks,” Robertson continues. “And this ‘Duck Dynasty’ shotgun is the hands-down most heterosexual way to do your killing.”
Robertson faced intense scrutiny in December 2013 after comments he made in an interview with GQ were interpreted as homophobic and racist. A&E briefly banned Robertson from appearing on “Duck Dynasty,” and many suggested that he was trying to cover up his own homosexual tendencies by making disparaging statements about gay Americans.
Now, the Robertson clan says that “nobody will be able to question [their] sexuality ever again.” “Just look at this assault rifle,” Phil Robertson told reporters at a press conference Thursday afternoon. “Would a gay own or endorse a big, thick piece of blasting machinery such as this? I don’t think so.”
“Everyone ought to stop thinkin’ my daddy’s a fairy,” Jason Silas Robertson added. “Everyone knows that homosexuals carry pink-and-glitter-colored firearms. And as you can see, ours are the trademark ‘Duck Dynasty’ camouflage. Enough said.”
The assault weapons will be featured prominently in upcoming episodes of “Duck Dynasty,” according to A&E executive producer Scott Gurney. “We’re thrilled to have Phil back on the show after that embarrassing mistake we made in December,” Gurney said. “Phil has requested that, from now on, he never appear on screen without an assault rifle or shotgun also in the frame. We’re more than happy to help make sure people know how totally not-gay he is.”
“We owe him that much,” Gurney said.