NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Blogs

Eat Your Way to Innocence! By George Zimmerman

  • June 4, 2013
  • NewsLo
  • No comments
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

Hi everybody! Georgie boy here. As you may have noticed, I’ve put on a couple pounds lately. Okay, many pounds. Actually, like a hundred. I’m a whale, is what I’m trying to say.

But you probably didn’t know that this was no accident Au contraire my friends. I’ve been larding up my body on purpose. You see, a while back, my attorneys let me in on a little secret. According to them—and a bunch of researchers, too—the fatter I am, the more innocent I’ll seem to a jury. I can’t explain it myself, but apparently people find it difficult to imagine that a blubber-butt like myself would expend the energy necessary to commit a homicide. Who woulda thought? (Fat chicks be warned: This only works for men. For women, the fatter you are, the guiltier you’ll seem).

Anyways, since I heard about this wonderful, jiggly-tit loophole, I’ve been letting myself run a little wild at the ole’ feeding trough, and over the last few months, I’ve discovered a few tricks that I’d like to share with all you would-be murderers out there. The following recipe is Z-man-guaranteed to transform you into a sweat-covered, not-guilty fat-ass in no time!

Chocolate Frozen Chicken Wings

Ingredients: Chocolate, butter, chicken wings, chipotle sauce

Directions:

  1. Combine butter, chocolate, and chipotle sauce in small bowl; set aside.
  2. Thaw wings if frozen. Cover wings in chocolate-chipotle sauce (don’t be afraid to really slop it on there!).
  3. Deep fry wings for ten minutes, or until you feel your bowels voiding in anticipation.
  4. Place wings on cookie sheet; insert into freezer.
  5. Wait 2 hours (but make sure you’re gorging on Doritos in the mean time!)
  6. Remove from freezer (caution: wings will be deep brown in color—resist any urge to shoot them in “self-defense”).
  7. Enjoy!
Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • George Zimmerman
  • George Zimmerman is guilty
  • news humor and satire
  • Zimmerman's guilty
NewsLo

Previous Article
Biden Wonders What He Has To Do To Get Sent Ricin 1
  • Politics

Biden Wonders What He Has To Do To Get Sent Ricin

  • June 4, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
#NoNeedToSatirize: All-male House subcommittee votes to restrict abortion nationwide 2
  • NoNeedToSatirize

#NoNeedToSatirize: All-male House subcommittee votes to restrict abortion nationwide

  • June 4, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
how to make money while traveling
View Post
  • Blogs

Proven Ways on How to Make Money While Traveling Full-Time

  • NewsLo
  • August 31, 2019
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogs Feature

The Right to Keep and Bear Arms Law in the United States

  • NewsLo
  • April 12, 2018
Toys R Us app
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogger's Corner

Can the New Toys R Us App Save The Company from Total Annihilation?

  • NewsLo
  • October 9, 2017
donald trump crazy tweets
View Post
  • Blogs Feature
  • Blogs
  • Featured

Donald Trump Defeat His Own Crazy Tweets: “There Is No Way I Wrote Them My Self”

  • NewsLo
  • August 16, 2017
pilot app
View Post
  • Blogs

Pilot App and the Rise of Online Immersive Experiences

  • NewsLo
  • July 21, 2017
political jargon
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogger's Corner

Political Jargon: How to Lighten up the Monotony in 2017

  • NewsLo
  • June 29, 2017
View Post
  • Blogs

4D Planning is a growing planning consultancy and architecture practise in London and Manchester

  • NewsLo
  • December 25, 2016
View Post
  • Blogs

4 Main Reasons Why Many Traders Make a Loss

  • NewsLo
  • October 24, 2016

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.