Economists Baffled by $5 Cupcake Fad During Crippling Recession

NEW YORK — America is still recovering from its worst economic recession in almost a century, but that has not stopped the thriving fad of $5 cupcakes. While discretionary spending is down and unemployment is still at 7.8%, American consumers are inexplicably choosing to spend their decreased incomes on $5 scones and artisan sorbets.

While economists remained puzzled as to the exact reason for America’s new spending habits, they warn that these changes are already manifesting adverse effects on the population. Statistics show that people residing within a quarter mile of bakeries are at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, obesity, insomnia, indebtedness and suicide. Economist Sandra Jensson tells Newslo that people have found themselves in the midst of a “cupcake craze,” propelled by the American “must-have mentality.”

However, not everyone is devastated by rising delicacy prices. Ming Wen, an FDA official, says he is glad about the price increase, relating that food and weight have once again turned into signs of wealth and prosperity.

“I know I’m overweight, and hell, the doctors might even call me obese, but it’s a good thing. Now when women look at me, they know I have access to cupcakes and baked goods. This lets them know that when the time comes down to it, I can provide the pastries.”

While debates still continue about the future of pastry prices and whether they will eventually hit a “glaze ceiling”, experts agree that the $5 fad is alarming. “Someday soon Americans are going to have to realize that “artisan” treats are not actually made by artists,” says Jensson. “Until then, the cupcake craze will likely continue.”