Ed Schultz Excited for Reduced Exposure in New Time Slot

NEW YORK — Liberal pundit Ed Schultz surprised viewers of his MSNBC program The Ed Show when he revealed that he is leaving his highly coveted primetime slot to air on Saturday and Sunday, dubiously claiming to have wholeheartedly “raised [his] hand for this assignment.”

“I’m pleased to relinquish the exposure I get from airing every weekday at 8 pm,” Schultz said on air as security began removing his belongings from the studio at Rockefeller Center. “I just want to remind everyone that this move was 100 percent my decision, and I promise you’ll still be seeing plenty of me on TV screens at your local pizzeria or gym.”

While Schultz admitted that filming his show from the basement of Rockefeller Center under the cover of night would “take some getting used to,” he bore no ill will towards his replacement, MSNBC star Chris Hayes, who will enjoy the support of Schultz’s former production staff and chauffeur.

“I got this neat little GoPro helmet camera,” said Schultz, loading a pair of bolt cutters into his car, “so between that and my iPhone, we should be good to go.”

Though Chris Hayes has promised to continue Schultz’s fight for working class Americans, Schultz believes he still has plenty of outlets to express his pro-union views. In a feeble and heartbreaking attempt to cling to relevance, Schultz said he looked forward to doing more radio work “until the good Lord takes me.”

Reportedly, Hayes will also be assuming Schultz’s duty as husband and father to his children.