NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Edward Snowden Elected Pope of SXSW

  • March 12, 2014
  • News Lo
Edward Snowden
(Photo Credit: Bloomberg)

AUSTIN – A black cloud of smoke left the Austin Convention Center on Monday, where the tech world rejoiced the election of Edward Snowden as the pope of the South by Southwest Festival.

It has been a tense few years for techies, after Pope Steve Jobs passed away. Many thought Julian Assange would succeed Jobs as the infallible leader of the global tech community, but then everyone realized he was an asshole.

Snowden, donning the SXSW pope’s signature glasses, a long-held tradition, addressed his worshippers in HTML code, an ancient computer language, so it could be copied and pasted easily onto websites all over the world.

The speech, which he delivered from Russia under asylum, took aim at surveillance tactics allegedly used by the American federal government. “The government has gone and changed their talking points. They have changed their verbiage away from public interest to national interest,” he said.

The pro-privacy speech by Snowden, now to be known as Pope Skywalker II, drew massive cheers from the SXSW audience, despite some infighting within the festival’s establishment.

“Google and Facebook in particular are worried that he might be too aggressive in his crusade for digital privacy,” said one SXSW aide familiar with the papal election. “He keeps washing Russians’ feet because they don’t have freedom of speech. A lot of them bathe every day, which makes it kind of weird, but it’s still a message to the powers that be.”

At the tech conference, Snowden also put the onus on the Internet giants to create secure data mining tools, so government agencies cannot access private information as easily.

“Pope Skywalker is an inspiration, and he makes me proud to be a programmer. I want to start innovating again, and making regular people’s’ lives easier, not just mining their data for marketing opportunities,” said Paul Janson, a freelance programmer based in Seattle. “Also I want to start going to church again. I’m Catholic. I guess that’s unrelated though.”

Related Topics
  • Edward Snowden
  • Snowden
  • Snowden did it
  • Snowden pope
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Previous Article
Bachmann
  • DC
  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

Bachmann Claims She Was Pressured Into Lesbian Relationship

  • March 12, 2014
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
  • Media
  • Today's Headlines

Sarah Palin Organized Russian Crimean Invasion, Just Wanted to Be Right

  • March 13, 2014
  • News Lo
View Post
NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.