Elizabeth Warren Fans Excited by Her Latest Refusal to Run for President

WASHINGTON – Fans of Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren are giddy over a newly-released interview with ABC’s Jeff Zeleny, where she emphatically states three times that she is not running for president in 2016.

“I’m beside myself with excitement. I don’t think she has ever denied she’s running for president as strongly as in that ABC interview,” said Erica Sagrans, campaign manager for Ready For Warren- an unaffiliated grassroots group attempting to draft Elizabeth Warren into the 2016 Presidential race. The group’s Facebook page currently has over 15,000 likes. “When you parse her words, her true intentions become crystal clear! She’s so in!”

In the interview, Zeleny held Warren’s feet to the flame, refusing to take “no” for an answer.

“You’ve said ‘I am not running.’ Is that still your answer today?” asked Zeleny.

To which Warren responded, “I am not running.”

“I noticed it’s in the present tense, though,” he pointed out, “I am not running.”

“I’m not running,” clarified Warren.

Not to be denied, Zeleny pressed on. “Does that mean you’ve ruled out running? Or all you say is, ‘I am not running’?”

“I am not running for president,” replied Warren.

“When you say you are not running for president,” continued Zeleny. “Does that mean that you are, in fact, running for president?”

“Oh dear Christ,” responded an obviously exasperated Warren. “Are you totally deranged?”

“Notice how she doesn’t say no,” pointed out Sagrans. “Right there, that’s a clear indication that she’s running for President. She’s going to clobber Hillary in the primary and stomp on the grave of whichever putz the GOP serves up. I’m so pumped!”

Commenting on the growing push for Sen. Warren to enter the race and, specifically about the new Ready For Warren campaign, Warren’s press secretary Lacey Rose said, “No, Senator Warren does not support this effort.”

“She couldn’t be any clearer than that,” said Billy Wimsatt, founder of the League of Young Voters and soon to be a senior advisor to the Ready For Warren group. “Of course, Sen. Warren doesn’t support our efforts. That’s because Presidential-candidate Warren supports it. Anyone who can’t see that is beyond blind.”