Emanuel: Chicago only 2-3 White Deaths from Addressing Gun Violence

CHICAGO — Following a shooting on the southwest side of Chicago last week in which 13 people were injured, including a three-year-old child, mayor Rahm Emanuel delivered an emergency press conference Saturday in which he explained that the city will probably begin to address its gun violence epidemic as soon as two or three more white people are killed.

“The crisis gripping our city has reached a boiling point, but I bring a message of hope,” Emanuel said outside City Hall. “By my office’s calculations, the city is within two to three deaths of innocent white people before the city has the political and legislative support to do something about this problem.”

Chicago has the highest number of homicides in the country. The city averages over 1 murder a day, the vast majority of which occur in the city’s poorer and heavily-black South Side.

Mayor Emanuel said that funding for “increased after-school programs, targeting of at-risk youth, hiring more police officers…will become available following the homicides of a few middle- or upper-class white people.”

“A random murder in Lakeview would do the trick, or someone firing off an assault rifle inside Millennium Park,” the mayor suggested. “A drive-by at the Willis Tower should produce similar results as well. With your help, we can re-open the 50 public schools we have closed this year, as well as redirect the $100 million I proposed to spend on a new basketball stadium for DePaul University to combating crime. We are only a few white heartbeats away from making this a reality.”

Republican state legislators called for Emanuel’s resignation late Saturday, though at press time it is unclear whether this is connected to the mayor’s statements.