NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • US

Entire Mall Cringes at Opening Notes of “Santa Baby”

  • December 11, 2012
  • News Lo
christmas-songs
(Photo Credit: Shutterstock)
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

CINCINNATI — It’s that time of the year again when the corridors of America’s malls and public spaces fill with Christmas music. But not all holiday carols are welcome. The shoppers at Cincinnati’s Northgate Mall reportedly uttered a collective cringe Sunday as the opening notes of “Santa Baby” came over the loudspeaker.

“Ugh, it’s so gross,” shuddered Piercing Pagoda employee Kyla Mathers. “Why are we trying to make Santa a sex symbol? He’s a pure-hearted, fat, old man. The whole thing just screams ‘daddy issues.’”

And Mathers is hardly alone in her distaste for holiday eroticism.

“Have you ever listened to ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?’” said a disgusted Macy’s shopper. “I know it’s just the kid’s dad in a Santa costume, but think about that kid. What’s he supposed to think? That his mom’s cheating with Santa? And Saint Nick leaves gifts like some Yuletide John?”

Many are worried about how this strange, sexualized twist on Christmas affects the meaning of the holiday.

“How is this okay with Christians?” wondered agnostic Sean Appleman. “They’re so worried about the holiday being perverted by the littlest things, but songs about banging Santa are fair game? I just don’t get it.”

But according to Freudian analyst Dr. Nigel Westbrook, sexual imagery is deeply ingrained in the holiday’s traditions and symbols. “Santa visits in the middle of the night to empty his sack,” says Dr. Westbrook in his best-selling book “Yule Log Envy: A Freudian Interpretation of Christmas.” “And Frosty’s nose is just a thinly-veiled penis. The evidence is everywhere. We need to just accept that gift-giving is nothing more than a primal urge to replace one’s father as provider.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • best mall shopping
  • Christmas songs at the mall
  • Mall losing their minds
  • Mall music for christmas
  • news makeup
  • Newslo humor and satire
  • Satire and political humor
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Welcome to Newslo! Our team of dedicated authors strives to deliver the latest and most important info on finance while infusing a dose of our own style to give you a unique experience. Whether you're looking for in-depth discussions on investments or solid finance tips, we have something for everyone. Our goal is to deliver you the best possible content. So, keep reading our articles and give us your feedback!

Previous Article
hamas-homeros
  • World

Hamas Accuses Al-Qaeda of “Terror Monopoly”

  • December 11, 2012
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
  • New York

MTA Rolls Out Crime-Ridden Vintage Subway Trains

  • December 12, 2012
  • News Lo
View Post
NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.