Expert: Celebrities Too Stupid to Grasp Concept of ‘Charity’

LOS ANGELES – Dr. Delia Stack, the renowned worldwide expert on post-millennial psychology and celebrity behavior, has been summoned from her offices at Cambridge University to Hollywood, where she is beginning what she called “a comprehensive, in-depth defense” of Kim Kardashian, Kanye West and other celebrities accused of misusing funds meant for charitable purposes, because, Stack said, “Damn, they stupid.”

Reality star Kim Kardashian, who made $10 million this year, came under fire last week when it was revealed that a charity eBay auction of her clothing and accessories meant to benefit typhoon victims in the Philippines was only actually donating 10 percent of its proceeds to that cause; the rest went to Kardashian. In 2011, fiancé Kanye West was forced to shut down his foundation when it came out that every penny of the $570,000 it had raised went toward “administrative costs,” which left nothing for actual outreach.

“Philanthropy is one of the things we expect from the wealthy,” Dr. Stack said, speaking to reporters at the Four Seasons. “Unfortunately, today’s celebrity affluent are largely either famous for being famous or skilled in some entertainment medium – they are neither ‘old money’ nor self-made entrepreneurs, both categories that would imply some basic awareness of charitable benevolence. Not only do they fail to feel any urge to help the less fortunate, they lack the basic intelligence needed to understand that other people need money, too.”

In an hours-long interview that covered everything from Kardashian’s massive engagement ring to West’s Yeezus, Stack said her clients “are stupid – and I want you to spell that with two O’s,” and that “their deficit of brains and surplus of material goods” has rendered them incapable of fully understanding charity, much less participating in the process.

“Just look at this tweet Ms. Kardashian sent out when it came to light that she was profiting from people who thought they were donating to starving Filipinos,” Stack said, reading aloud. “‘No! Kim want money! Kim want ALL the money!! Money buys stuff #MeMyMine’ Couple more rewrites and I’d say she’s ready to turn in her thesis, wouldn’t you agree?”

Stack used the same defense for sister Khloe Kardashian and her husband, professional basketball player Lamar Odom, who earlier this year was accused of running a bad charity when none of the $2.2 million raised by Cathy’s Kids went toward cancer research, as the organization had said it would. Khloe Kardashian later claimed that 90% of the funds came from Odom himself.

“That, I think, speaks to a good instinct, if indeed it is true,” Stack said. “Mr. Odom clearly has no idea how a charity actually functions, but he’s trying, bless him.”

Stack added: “That’s why I’m proud to have that idiot as a client.”