WASHINGTON —Â The FBI uses drones for domestic surveillance purposes, the head of the agency told the Senate Judiciary Committee on Wednesday, and citizens are strongly advised not to do anything that could be perceived as hostile toward them.
Asked by Sen. Chuck Grassely, “Does the FBI use drones for surveillance on U.S. soil?” FBI Director Robert Mueller responded, “Yes.”
“Follow-up question: Do we have anything to fear from these drones?”
“No, senator,” said Mueller. “We have everything to fear.”
The head of the FBI proceeded to warn every living person that, when they are not safely under a roof of some sort, they should “walk calmly. Don’t run. Don’t jump around. Just get to where you’re going. And please, for the sake of Christ, don’t have a beard.”
In his testimony, FBI spokesman Paul Bresson recounted how the FBI used a drone to help law enforcement amid a standoff and hostage situation in Alabama in January.
Said Bresson, “The situation was resolved peacefully and we feel the drone was a vital part of that success. The fact that it began acting of its own accord and hunted down seven police officers afterwards is irrelevant to what we’re discussing today, which is security.”
When questioned by Sen. Al Franken if he thinks the agency would consider greater transparency about its surveillance methods, Mueller was hesitant to concede any ground. “There is a price to be paid for that transparency,” he said. “I certainly think it would be educating our adversaries as to what our capabilities are.”
Outraged, Franken abruptly rose from his chair to address the director. A look of panic appearing on his face, Mueller slowly, quietly gestured to Franken that, for his own sake, he should probably sit back down.
7 comments
If you are emotionally incensed, outraged, that an obvious comedy piece, a blatant parody, is inaccurate, you probably should not be driving a car, operating heavy machinery or doing anything else the society cannot entrust to people who not only can’t take a joke, but who can’t recognize one while it’s being told. Life is short. Why not laugh a little? ‘No sudden movements’ ‘Don’t have a beard’ hahaha that sh*t’s funny! “The Best thing since News” slogan was your first clue hehehe
More satire? I’ll take a hammer to one of these guy’s fingers and I will stop when he promises to take a serious attitude towards the sadists running the U.S. at this time. Or, I might start on another finger if am enjoying the show, not giving a rat’s behind about his feelings on the matter.
This is not what Americans should have to worry about. Our government is getting too big and bold. This kind of crap had got me and a lot of others scared to death. We have got o take control of our government somehow. We the people are the ones that should run this country not them the few Obonzo henchmen!!!
How can you print this inflammatory bullshit? When you know there isn’t an iota of truth to it?
Just getting the whack jobs in the woods stirred up. And I hope when you do, you’re the first to go.
It’s called SATIRE folks, as in a joke, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!
This is garbage.
Hell Yea