WASHINGTON — The FBI has recently announced a manhunt in an effort to track down balanced investigative journalism. Journalism was last seen fraternizing with Fox, CNN, and ABC in 1998, but has not been heard from since.
Rumors abounded that Journalism was at MSNBC and Fox News, but a cursory investigation revealed that it was in fact only an imposter. The FBI stated that they would have started the investigation sooner, but the country’s rabid consumption of blow-hard pundits made it a fairly low priority.
Upon hearing of the investigation, Geraldo Rivera immediately contacted the authorities claiming he was Journalism. FBI spokesperson Ian Billesby had this to say about Mr. Rivera: “While Geraldo has an amazing mustache, he is in no way, shape or form, connected to Journalism.”
For years, Journalism was a beloved public figure, influencing men like Tom Brokaw and Walter Cronkite, making the lack of interest in Journalism disappearance all the more puzzling.
Journalism’s friend, Integrity, told Newslo, “He did fantastic work for many years, but in the age of Bill O’Reilly and Rachel Maddow, he probably just felt like his voice wasn’t being heard. Old school values of in depth reporting and muckraking just can’t compete with Kanye West’s twitter feed.”
Some believe that Fox News owner Rupert Murdoch killed Journalism in a satanic ritual that involved ripping him limb from limb and drinking his blood. So far these reports are uncorroborated.