Five Injured at Gun Appreciation Day Event; Appreciation Increases Dramatically

RALEIGH, N.C. — Five people were accidentally shot at Gun Appreciation Day rallies this Saturday in North Carolina, Indiana, and Ohio while participating in events promoting their Second Amendment right to own guns. These events, marketed by the right-wing group Political Media as a way of bringing attention to responsible gun ownership, were wildly successful, especially in the states where accidents occurred.

“Did you see that gun just go off and shoot three people without even needing to be reloaded?” gun rights activist and concealed carry permit holder Jon Sorey asked several dealers in the wake of the incident. “That was completely awesome. Do you know the model number on that bitch? I want six of ‘em.” Sorey was reacting to the shooting of three North Carolina residents at the Dixie Gun and Knife Show in Raleigh, where a gun accidentally discharged at the show’s safety check-in booth, injuring three individuals simultaneously.

Many onlookers at the North Carolina show agreed. Chris Beardsley, owner of local shop Gun Gorilla Supply Warehouse, stated that he saw the incident as a reinforcement of the need for unchecked gun ownership in the United States. “Damn, man…guns are awesome. That guy didn’t even need to pull the trigger and the thing just decided some shootin’ needed to be done! That’s the kind of proactive response we need in our schools. Not some namby-pamby regulations.”

Accidental incidents in Indiana and Ohio also received their share of acclaim from gun enthusiasts. At the Indy 1500 Gun Show in Indianapolis, a man shot himself in the hand after purchasing a .45 caliber semi-automatic. When reporters asked the crowd if the incident changed how any of them felt about gun control, one onlooker stated his belief that “At least that man who shot himself would’ve been armed if an assailant had tried to shoot him first. As an American and former felon, I’m proud to have access and opportunity to shoot myself in a variety of body parts with as few restrictions as possible. That’s what freedom sounds like. Freedom mixed with eagles.”