After Flood of Lawsuits, ALS Association Now Solely Researching Cure for Self-Induced Hypothermia

NEW YORK — Since July 29, the “Ice Bucket Challenge” has raised more than $13 million toward researching amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s disease.

The challenge entails pouring a bucket of ice water on one’s head, posting it to social media, and then nominating friends to do the same within 24 hours or donate $100 to ALS research.

In an unexpected turn for the worse, millions of Ice Bucket Challenge participants have sued the ALS Association for creating a new disease they call “self-induced hypothermia,” or SIH.

The lawsuits have forced the ALS Association to redirect all of its recent earnings toward finding a cure for SIH.

Tens of thousands have already perished from SIH, and experts blame it on an online miscommunication that went viral Sunday, after Todd Murray from Chapel Hill, N.C., vowed to “sit in this ice bucket for 24 hour for $100”. Murray died 10 hours later. He was 23 years old and generally disliked by his peers.

“If it weren’t for ALS fundraising, my son would still be alive,” said Murray’s mother Joanna.

A spokesperson from the ALS Association, who wished to go unnamed, commented, “Numerous Ice Bucket Challenge participants now think the stunt involves sitting in an ice bucket for 24 hours in exchange for a $100 check from our foundation, as opposed to just dumping ice water on your head within 24 hours to avoid donating money.”

The spokesperson added, “We are committed to raising awareness about the Ice Bucket Challenge’s actual guidelines so that not one more life—not one more—is needlessly lost to SIH. Honestly, you should donate to the SIH Association because ALS doesn’t matter anymore in the grand scheme of things.”

Dr. Jonah Kershner, a leading researcher at the Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan, stated, “I’m astonished by how many people can fit inside of an ice bucket.”

Kershner added that his researchers have discovered much more about SIH and are close to curing the disease. “We have found that most SIH patients have easy access to buckets of ice and are unemployed. Creating jobs and putting enormous taxes on ice and buckets will hopefully disincentivize people from doing the challenge.”

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