COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — The prominent socially conservative organization and global Christian ministry Focus on the Family has sent a formal request to the Vatican today asking for a new Pope. They have complained that his frequent calls to help the poor and to love and treat all mankind equally went against what they viewed as proper church teaching and hoped a conclave could be called upon to select a more traditionally conservative Pontiff.
“Pope Francis seems nice and all, but frankly I don’t think he read the job description,” said President Jim Daly. “He keeps preaching about tolerance and forgiveness like he’s some blasted hippy. The Vatican needs to muzzle that guy before he goes full-commie.”
The idea to demand a new Pope had been percolating within the organization for some time, but came to head after Pope Francis’ remarks at a recent Mass. “The faith passes, so to speak, through a distiller and becomes ideology,” preached His Holiness. “And ideologies are rigid, always. Of every sign: rigid…It is a serious illness, this of ideological Christians. It is an illness.”
“That was hard to hear,” admitted James Dobson, founder and chairman emeritus of the organization. “It almost sounds like he’s saying you can be Christian even if you’re not a staunch conservative Republican. But that’s just crazy talk.”
Pope Francis, however, seemed adamant that faith should trump ideology, warning, “When a Christian becomes a disciple of the ideology, he has lost the faith: he is no longer a disciple of Jesus, he is a disciple of this attitude of thought.” He went on to say that the reason a Christian would become so rigid in his ideology is lack of prayer. ”[A Christian who does not pray is] arrogant, is proud, is sure of himself. He is not humble. He seeks his own advancement.”
“That was totally uncalled for,” continued Dobson. “You see, the problem with this Pope is that he is a Nazi sympathizer who hates Jesus. That’s not me saying that, that was God. His exact words to me were ‘James, Pope Francis is an atheist. You people need to get yourself a new Pope who can hate liberals with the best of them.’”
12 comments
yall do realize this is a joke right? Click on the show facts button….
At first I thought this was a joke…..these people are insane to the MAX!!!
These people are nuts.
WOW I just discovered this as I downed a cup of coffee this morning. I did not realize because I am a liberal all my Christian frinds are suppose to hate me. Church what happened to the last commandment of Jesus, “love each other as I have loved you.” Maybe we need to understand the kind of love that Jesus not only talked about but lived in full living color.
Anytime a bunch of holy people wanna kill each other I’m a happy guy. Seeing them turn on each other is almost as good.
Would you guys please just stop ? All we needed was the Onion. Not this stupid game, nor the Currant, or any of the other falling flat of satirical sites. Honestly, with the amount of time obviously put into these
Who is this person who bam last this pope for careing for the poor shame on you ,you are the biggest hipicrate Ithink you are Ann evil person,who writes all this nastiness about the pope
James Dobson, Jim Daly…”The Lord Rebuke You” !!!
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Ah yes…..just like all the other evangelist organization….they are free with the talk but all they want is your money….why should we help the poor….Jesus didn’t….Did he? So James boy…you say God spoke to you ehh….time to get the guys in the little white suit….James….there has NEVER been a substantiated communications with the big guy….Do us all a favor and go peacefully to the crazy house and admit yourself……and while you are at it….close down your fucking money grubing organization….that is all you people are go at
OK, so even if only part of this is fact, take a look at what it highlights as fact. ““And ideologies are rigid, always.” If Ideologies are that rigid, then how come so many ideologies in the bible are changed? If it was the “word of god” at one time, isn’t it “the word of god” at ALL times?
That rests the Pope’s case..lol