Former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry Calls Spitzer’s Return ‘Child’s Play’

WASHINGTON — Former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry says he’s confused about why Eliot Spitzer’s re-entry into the political arena is generating headlines.

Upon hearing the news that Spitzer would be running for New York City Comptroller, Barry said, “This is child’s play — what took him so long?” Asked to elaborate, the disgraced former mayor continued, “The minute they drop the charges is the minute you return to your campaign. You let them know right away, ‘Nothin’ to see here. Move it along, move it along.’”

Barry said he was enjoying a morning cup of bold brew when he read in The Washington Post that Spitzer, who resigned as governor of New York in 2008 amid a prostitution scandal, had announced his bid for New York City Comptroller. Spitzer has also been accused of breaking New York’s campaign contribution laws during his run for governor.

“So he may have committed a few crimes. What’s the big deal?”  Barry said. “Why are people so hung up on that? Everyone knows your community revitalization record is the only thing that counts.”

Barry said he’s irate at the mainstream media for harping on Spitzer’s comeback, and that he’s planning on reaching out to Spitzer with some mentoring advice. The 30-year political veteran argued that Spitzer needs to throw the limelight off his main issues with quips about how to get rid of Filipino nurses and Asian businesses. Barry also said Spitzer should sucker-punch reporters with a remark about how “the law of gravity is racist.”

“He’s a rookie,” Barry said. “I mean, look at him asking for forgiveness. What the hell is that? There are two things voters could care less about: hookers and drugs. Just tell them you’re a night owl.”