Fox News Calls For Miss White America Pageant

ATLANTIC CITY, N. J. – This past weekend, Miss New York Nina Davuluri became the first Indian-American to be crowned Miss America in the history of the pageant. In the wake of this historic event, Fox News this week announced plans to produce and finance the 2014 Miss White America pageant.

Preparations for the pageant, which will be held in March in Boise, Idaho, began just minutes after the Davuluri shocked the world by defeating presumed front-runner Theresa Vail (Miss Kansas) for the title. Miss Vail had been tagged by pageant experts as a can’t-lose candidate. In addition to her rank of sergeant in the Army National Guard and incredible marksmanship, she became the first contestant in Miss America history to show off tattoos during the swimsuit competition. Also, she is white.

“The liberal Miss America judges won’t say this – but Miss Kansas lost because she actually represented American values. #missamerica,” tweeted Todd Starnes, host of the widely heard Fox News and Commentary radio program.

Roger Ailes, chairman of the Fox Television Stations Group, was unhappy with this year’s pageant winner. “When I look at Miss Calcutta, or wherever she’s from, I don’t see America, I see the Hell that Barack Obama has created in its place,” he said. “Our show will give this great nation a beautiful, white, Christian, straight young girl who looks good in a bikini and has a talent the rest of us recognize. Like playing a tuba or twirling a baton.”

For the talent portion of the competition, Davuluri performed a classical Indian dance with mixed Bollywood-style moves. “I was pretty sure she was summoning Satan,” admitted Ailes.

While some organizations are claiming the proposed Miss White America pageant is racist, executive producer Donald Trump disagrees. “When we say white, it’s not a racist thing,” he explained. “We’re planning on introducing a tanning element to the competition, and we just need to make sure none of the girls start off with an unfair advantage.”

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