Fox News Host Misses Memo, Defends Obamacare

NEW YORK – Fox News executives were shocked this week when On The Record host Greta Van Sustern defended Obamacare on her Fox News program by blasting holes in an anti-Obamacare story.

“I was just sitting down for dinner when I received a frantic text telling me to turn on the network,” said Roger Ailes, President of Fox News Channel. “So I grab the remote and see Greta telling some woman that Obamacare wasn’t as bad as the woman was making it out to be. I nearly chocked on my foie gras.”

The woman in question, 56-year-old Florida resident Dianne Barrette, had been the subject of a CBS News segment where she lamented that because of Obamacare, she would go from paying $54 a month of health insurance to $591. Van Sustern then invited her onto her Fox News program and all Hell broke loose.

While her bosses sat in front of the monitors, stunned, Van Sustern proceeded to practice legitimate journalism by tearing Barrette’s story apart. “As soon as Greta started in on Ms. Barrette I was wildly waving my hands over my head to get her attention,” said On the Record Associate Producer Samantha Del Priore. “I was like, oh Christ, I never showed her that inter-office memo ordering us to trash Obamacare at every turn. But honestly, I’d figured that was obvious.”

As her producers went into damage control mode, Van Sustern proceeded to show the many holes in Barrette;s story. These included the fact that the $591 plan was only one of many Barrette has to choose from, the fact that due to her age and income, she would end up paying only $209 a month, and the fact that her current plan was classified by Consumer Reports as “junk health insurance.” In fact, even the company selling the plan recommends customers purchase additional insurance.

“I can’t believe I made such a stupid mistake,” lamented Van Sustern. “I’ve been at Fox long enough, I know the drill. But I couldn’t help myself. I mean the old policy she was crying over sounded like something she’d bought in a back alley from some guy smelling of cheap gin.”

On the program, Van Sustern did not mince words, saying, “Your $54 a month policy is a pretty, you know, bare bones policy. Why do you want to keep that one, except for the price? Maybe you can get something better with a subsidy?”

Hearing this, Ailes was incensed. “She actually told that woman to get help from a government subsidy! On Fox News! I’m going to kill her!”

Not content, Van Sustern went on to point out that Barrettes’s old policy did not cover hospital stays, saying, “You know, if you are walking across the street and someone runs a red light, you are in deep trouble under your existing policy.”

Following her interview with Van Susteren, Barrette’s scheduled morning appearance the next day on Fox News was cancelled.

After the fallout from her interview, Van Sustern was called in to Ailes’ office. She then opened her next show with a lengthy segment explaining how Obamacare forces children to kill their puppies.