SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. – Rainbow banners were flown and flags waved in triumph this week as hardcore, fundamentalist homosexuals finally achieved their decade-long goal of grinding the career of actor Alec Baldwin into dust beneath their feet. The celebration came after word arrived that MSNBC had cancelled the frequent Saturday Night Live guest host’s six-week-old talk show, Up Late with Alec Baldwin.
“This is huge. This is the big one,” said blogger and noted homosexual Andrew Sullivan. “I’ve been personally gunning for Bladwin for years. To finally take him down… I’ve never been prouder in my life.”
Baldwin’s show was actually suspended two weeks prior by MSNBC after the host was caught on camera allegedly calling a photographer a ‘c**ks**king f**’ Baldwin has since disputed the film, admitting that he used the first of the two words, but denying he uttered the second, insisting, “Faggot’ is not the word that came out of my mouth.”
While he admitted the need to shoulder some of the responsibility for his actions, Baldwin claimed that he had been targeted unfairly by LGBT advocates. “You’ve got the fundamentalist wing of gay advocacy – Rich Ferraro and Andrew Sullivan – they’re out there, they’ve got you,” he said. “Rich Ferraro, this is probably one of his greatest triumphs. They killed my show.”
“He’s damn right this is one of my greatest triumphs,” said Rich Ferraro, spokesman for the LGBT advocacy organization GLAAD. “That man is a cancer, and I have sworn to God and high Heaven to remove him from this Earth or die trying.”
“After Alec, ‘well move onto Stephen, then Daniel, the Billy. There won’t be a Baldwin standing once we’re through,” explained Sullivan to wild cheers from the fundamentalist gays in attendance. “Only then will mankind finally know peace.”