Utah’s governor on Monday signed a bill requiring doctors to administer anesthesia to women receiving an abortion at the 20th week of gestation, his office said. The bill, the first of its kind in the nation according to the Salt Lake Tribune, states that an anesthetic or analgesic will “eliminate or alleviate organic pain to the unborn child.” “The governor is adamantly pro-life. He believes in not only erring on the side of life, but also minimizing any pain that may be caused to an unborn child,” a spokesman for Republican Governor Gary Herbert said in a statement.
“However,” the spokesman added, “the governor is also very keen on making sure no other types of pain are inflicted on the baby leading up to the 20th week of pregnancy. That’s the other part of the reason why he was so determined to enact this bill.” Asked to elaborate on “the other types of pain” an unborn child might experience while in the womb according to Gov. Herbert, the spokesman commented that “it is no secret that moms-to-be engage in ample sexual intercourse during pregnancy. And with every intercourse comes the risk of physically damaging the fetus, or baby, which is what concerns the governor profoundly.”
The spokesman also said that “even though sex for the purpose of conceiving a child” is completely normal, having intercourse when it can clearly hurt the baby “is not just wrong, but also incredibly cruel and filthy.” “Regardless of how one perceives the act of making love, it is still something that is, essentially, a biological instinct. Therefore, when it is done for the purpose of procreation, it is justified. Any other time, it’s wrong. And while a woman is already pregnant – it’s just outrageous. Therefore, we believe that the unborn child must be protected from such pain by all means necessary, including a somewhat invasive method that is an anesthesia.”
“I’m not even going to get into the psychological trauma of witnessing your parents going at it while you’re in the front row seat,” the spokesman said. “It’s a proven fact that at 20-weeks old, a baby is already considered a human. There are even cases of people whose memory is so clear they can remember being half-awake in the womb. Now, imagine just hanging out like that, being all cool and enjoying the coziness of your mom’s belly, and all of sudden, your dad’s junk comes storming in and starts hitting you all over. And like I said – in addition to the physical consequences of such an atrocity, there are also psychological ones, which are often the more severe of the two. So, not only is an anesthesia desirable – it’s long overdue,” the spokesman concluded.