A landmark breakthrough in equality recently came from the country of Ireland, becaming the first country to legalize same sex divorce. The decision came from popular vote, and many Ireland natives are reporting overwhelming happiness that any two people now have the right to love each other, slowly grow tired of each other, and eventually divide their belongings in a court of law.
“We want to be an example for the world over. We want to show that anyone, no matter sexual orientation, can have even their strongest emotions eroded by the river of time,” comments Irish President Michael D. Higgins, who reports that even in the small span of time since the decision, hoards of gay couples have taken their vows, begun to regret the emotion cage of monogamy, and thrown in the towel. “While the amount of gay couples has dropped, the number of Christmases for children of same sex couples has skyrocketed.”
Yet, although there has been a surge of support for the new legislation, there can be no progress without opposition. Many anti gay divorce advocates have taken to the streets, eager to save what they call “the sanctity of divorce”. “We start letting them get divorced and then what? People will start divorcing their pets! Do you want to see folks start returning dogs to the pound?” comments Rick Marbles, a supporter of straight only divorce, as well as a 7-time divorcee himself. “If I had things my way, we’d just outlaw love, and save everyone the suffocating chokehold that is intimacy.”