GAZA STRIP, Palestine – Israeli defense forces this morning made a dramatic gesture to promote the use of solar power in the beleaguered Gaza Strip. Shelling attacks destroyed the only power plant in Gaza, along with several other sites, and Israeli leaders are calling the absence of electricity there a “wonderful opportunity for the Palestinians to develop power that’s good for the Earth.”
“It’s true, we destroyed the plant,” admitted Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu. “But it was an act of creative destruction actually, because it will pave the way for a better future in Gaza.”
“It’s really important to us as a species that we move away from fossil fuels and other nonrenewable energy sources,” Netanyahu explained. “We thought, ‘What Palestine needs right now is a little shove in the direction of green energy.’ We know they’ll thank us soon enough.”
Nearly two million Palestinians, most of whom were already subject to severe power cuts, will now have no access to electricity at all.
“The power plant is finished,” said its director, Mohammed al-Sharif. Sharif added that the lack of electricity will likely compromise pumps in the region and lead to a water shortage as well.
“We need at least one year to repair the power plant, the turbines, the fuel tanks and the control room,” said Fathi Sheik Khalil of the Gaza energy authority. “But if we rebuild it, Israel will probably bomb the place again. Might as well get working on solar panels, like they want us to.”
There is no indication that Palestinians possess the expertise or knowledge necessary to refashion their electrical grid around solar technology, but Netanyahu said that Israel won’t be providing assistance.
“We don’t feel comfortable sharing the secrets of solar panel technology with the Palestinians just yet,” Netanyahu admitted. “You know how they are—they’d probably turn it into a weapon somehow. But now they’ve got a pretty good reason to figure it out for themselves, and they’ll get there eventually, I bet.”