Gene Simmons, one of the last surviving rock gods and a man who, in his own words, “cannot remember exactly, but the figure is somewhere around 4000” (women he had slept with), has finally met his match.
Namely, after giving an interview to Fox News Channel, he was ambushed on the parking lot by a dozen angry feminists, who clearly didn’t like what he had to say. He was beaten with giant dildos, although he managed to call the police, which eventually caused his assailants to run away.
An ambulance arrived at the scene within minutes, and apart from a few bruises and scratches from the concrete, Simmons is feeling fine and is expected to recover fully.
Eye-witnesses say that Mr. Simmons made a heroic attempt to defend himself, but due to the fact that he’s “a lover, not a fighter”, the best he could do is curl up on the ground and try to protect his family jewels.
The police are questioning several potential suspects; however, Simmons says he “won’t press charges, although he’d like to talk to one of his assailants and ask her where she got her huge dildo”.
The feminist movement of “National Organization For Women” has reacted instantly after reading the interview given by Simmons to Fox News.
“Can you imagine what it must be like to listen to advice about women from someone who’s made it a mission of their life to desecrate a different female body every other night? We are deeply offended by the comment of Mr. Simmons that women need to be less dependent from men.
In fact, taking anything that man says seriously, and especially something that has to do with the all-important matter of women’s rights and liberties, would be like hiring Lindsay Lohan as your guidance counselor”, said Terry O’Neill, the official spokesperson for the NOW.
