HOUSTON — “You’re shitting me right?” said a clearly stunned George W. Bush upon hearing that 49 percent of American now view the former president favorably.
The former president was at a complete loss to explain why Americans have started remembering him fondly. He theorized that it may have something to do with his passion for painting dogs or because he’s made no public appearances with Dick Cheney since leaving office.
After much contemplation, however, an ecstatic and bewildered Bush said he thinks the public’s change in attitude might have something to do with his newfound ability to be “hope and change-y.”
“Americans viewed me poorly for my decision to destroy civil liberties and keep Guantanamo open,” Bush said. “Obama ran as the hope and change guy but kept Guantanamo open and let the NSA view everyone’s phone records, so I think I may have become a hope and change figure by default.”
The former president admitted that he never expected to enjoy such a high approval rating, considering that two months after he left office, only 35 percent of Americans viewed him fondly. Bush even hinted that he might run for Congress.
“49 percent of Americans view me favorably,” said the former commander in chief. “Considering Congress has an approval rating of 10 percent, maybe it is time that ‘The Decider’ gets back into politics.”
Bush added that he would run on a platform that was anti-drone and pro-civil liberties, with the aim of reshaping American foreign policy — only to ignore all of that if he was actually elected. “It seems like that Obama fellow really has this hope and change thing figured out. I want to run on this newfound optimism, especially now that I know you don’t have to follow through with any of it,” concluded Bush.