Prosecutors: George Zimmerman One White Murder Away from Going to Prison

TALLAHASSEE, Fla.  – Leading Florida prosecutors are saying that George Zimmerman, who this week was charged with aggravated assault and domestic violence, will “probably not go to prison” until he actually kills a second person—and only then if that person happens to be white.”

“Zimmerman’s obviously a bad guy,” said William “Willie” Meggs, Leon County State Attorney. “But the fact is, the man’s like a greased-up Christmas ham. You can’t get anything to stick to him, including felony charges.”

“The only way he’s going down is if he kills a white person. If that happens, he’ll suddenly seem like an aggressive Latino, rather than an unlucky Caucasian, and the justice system will come down on him with all its might,” Meggs added.

In 2012, Zimmerman shot and killed Trayvon Martin, an unarmed African American teenager who Zimmerman suspected of being a criminal, but was acquitted of murder in the case. Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law—which broadens the circumstances under which violence can be justified by self-defense—was largely responsible for Zimmerman’s acquittal, but prosecutors say he was found not guilty “mostly because he chose to slay someone with darker skin than his own.”

“That’s how it works here,” Meggs said. “Prosecutors and criminals alike understand the rule: if you want to stay out of jail, you just have to pick your victims carefully.”

Since his acquittal in the Martin murder case, Zimmerman has had many run-ins with the law. Most recently, he was arrested and charged on several counts—including felony aggravated assault and misdemeanor domestic violence—after allegedly threatening his girlfriend with a shotgun. On Tuesday, Zimmerman was released on bail, but was forbidden by the judge from leaving Florida or possessing guns.

“There are still some unknown factors with this most recent case,” said Miami-Dade County prosecutor Katherine Fernandez Rundle. “Nobody seems to know much about Zimmerman’s girlfriend. It’s possible that if she’s white enough—like, Nicole Kidman white—he’ll be facing some serious community service time. But I’d say prison is still out of the question.”