NEW YORK — The New York Giants have suffered two consecutive losses that not only were humiliating, but also season-crippling. Nevertheless, locker room morale is not too shabby despite computer calculations giving the Giants only about an 8% chance of making the playoffs.

“Here’s another stat,” announced Giants defensive lineman Justin Tuck. “We have a zero percent chance of winding up in a cluster-fuck as bad as the [New York] Jets. Those sad sacks of shit are long-term royally screwed.”

In order to reach the postseason now, the Giants must beat the Eagles this week and the Cowboys, Bears and Vikings all must lose. While the Giants can at least say they have a chance at the playoffs, the Jets can’t say the same.

“During the holiday season, it’s important to think of those who are less fortunate and talented than you are,” said Giants running back David Wilson. “So we spent part of Monday watching some Jets offensive game-tape. You know, for shits and giggles. It really helped ease the tensions after the Ravens loss.”