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John Hagee: “God Made All Lesbians Flat So They Could Be Identified By Normal People Easily”

  • August 11, 2016
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For televangelist John Hagee the biggest threat facing Americans today are those “counterfeit Christians” whom, amongst other things, either endorse women’s open access to abortions or support LGBT rights to marriage. Hagee, known for founding San Antonio’s Cornerstone Megachurch, has made a name for himself through John Hagee Ministries, his series of radio and television ministries that are broadcast to over 150 million households in North America. “Those of you who got on national television and endorsed homosexual lifestyle because the president did so, you are a counterfeit Christian, you are a moral coward, you are a hireling shepherd,” Hagee said, condemning the increasing number of pastors that are accepting homosexuality. “Shame on you.”

Although, for some reason Hagee seems to hold a particular grudge against lesbians. In an interview with Breitbart News, the televangelist argued that lesbians are “the scourge of the earth,” and that “God hates them so much that he’s made sure normal people can tell them apart from normal women.” Asked to elaborate, he went on about how some of their physical characteristics differ from those of normal, straight women. “In his infinite wisdom, God made sure that we are able to tell them apart from the diseased so that we may protect ourselves and our children from them. That’s why most lesbians are as flat as an ironing board,” he opined.

“And normal women have nothing to worry about, it’s all part of His master plan,” Hagee continued. “He made sure normal women have curves, he made sure they were voluptuous, he made sure they have all the attributes that would ensure men are attracted to them, so that they may marry and live in unison and raise children together. Lesbians, on the other hand, were designed to be barren, to be unattractive because the Devil had his hand in their creation. Because they are sick and because they made a terrible choice, they are not blessed with all the bodily characteristics that adorn a real woman. Instead, lesbians are so flat they need a GPS to find their own nipples,” he argued.

Hagee then turned to the American female basketball team that’s competing in the 2016 Olympics held in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. “Just take a look at the female basketball team in the Olympics, they’re the perfect example of what I mean. If you were to roll that basketball down their bodies, it’d be like pushing a supermarket wheel cart down a perfectly paved, manhole-less stretch of road. It’s just ridiculous,” he said. “And that’s why they’re winning so much, it has nothing to do with their skill. They like other women, which automatically makes them men in a certain sense, and men are stronger and better than women in every way. It’s so obvious.”

“At the end of the day,” the controversial televangelist added, “that’s a good thing for the vast lesbian population we have here in our country. For them to be able to see an all-lesbian national basketball team representing the United States at the Olympics, this is a dream come true for them and their cause. But we’re onto them, we see what they’re doing and all this will change as early as November. Until then, those traditional and God-fearing among us will just have to endure the invasion of flat-chested, Tom boy-looking lesbian deviants that are occupying our TV screens every day,” Hagee concluded.

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34 comments
  1. Thomas Claypool says:
    August 11, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    Then why did God make lesbians more attractive than you, John Hagee?

  2. Thomas Claypool says:
    August 11, 2016 at 7:34 pm

    Then why did God make lesbians more attractive than you, John Hagee?

  3. Roger Stafford says:
    August 12, 2016 at 10:46 am

    “God made lesbians” said John Hagee

  4. Rana Zain says:
    August 12, 2016 at 11:56 am

    my neighbor’s half-sister makes $67 every hour on the computer . She has been laid off for eight months but last month her pay check was $16811 just working on the computer for a few hours.
    Get More Info====>>>> ­­­­w­­­­w­­­­w­­­­.­­­­c­­­­a­­­­r­­­­e­­­­e­­­­r­­­­s­­­­-­­­­w­­­­o­­­­r­­­­k­­­­s­­­­.­­­­c­­­­o­­­­m­­­­ᴵᴵᴵ

  5. Jane Conrad says:
    August 12, 2016 at 8:12 am

    He’s way too interested in lesbian women and their tits! I bet there’s a few skeletons in his closet.

  6. Brenda Taylor Conry says:
    August 12, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    Y’all do know that this is supposed to be satire. Only the first paragraph is true. The rest is merely something probable.

  7. Catherine Kane says:
    August 12, 2016 at 11:26 am

    Christ had nothing to say about homosexuality. He did, on the other hand, have a thing or two to say about hypocracy and judging others…

  8. Rana Zain says:
    August 12, 2016 at 11:56 am

    my neighbor’s half-sister makes $67 every hour on the computer . She has been laid off for eight months but last month her pay check was $16811 just working on the computer for a few hours.
    Get More Info====>>>> ­­­­w­­­­w­­­­w­­­­.­­­­c­­­­a­­­­r­­­­e­­­­e­­­­r­­­­s­­­­-­­­­w­­­­o­­­­r­­­­k­­­­s­­­­.­­­­c­­­­o­­­­m­­­­ᴵᴵᴵ

  9. Karl Logue says:
    August 12, 2016 at 1:37 pm

    Does he even hear the religious nonsense he’s spouting? He claims that God created lesbians, and then claims that God hates them. Really? God makes things that God hates???? What theological seminary did he come from?

  10. Karl Logue says:
    August 12, 2016 at 1:37 pm

    Does he even hear the religious nonsense he’s spouting? He claims that God created lesbians, and then claims that God hates them. Really? God makes things that God hates???? What theological seminary did he come from?

  11. Brenda Taylor Conry says:
    August 12, 2016 at 2:21 pm

    Y’all do know that this is supposed to be satire. Only the first paragraph is true. The rest is merely something probable.

  12. Kevin McArdle says:
    August 12, 2016 at 6:59 pm

    You know..these people in the name of Christ are a sick and sorry bunch. Ignorance is a far too kind of a word for them. When they rot in hell may the toaster be set on low and long, very long.

  13. Richard Sherbaniuk says:
    August 12, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    With regard to this guy’s brains, to quote Gertrude Stein, “There is no there there”.

  14. Thomas Claypool says:
    August 12, 2016 at 6:39 pm

    Hagee’s just jealous of “flat” people because he is so rotund! Do something about your gluttony, John!

  15. Thomas Claypool says:
    August 12, 2016 at 6:39 pm

    Hagee’s just jealous of “flat” people because he is so rotund! Do something about your gluttony, John!

  16. Kevin McArdle says:
    August 12, 2016 at 6:59 pm

    You know..these people in the name of Christ are a sick and sorry bunch. Ignorance is a far too kind of a word for them. When they rot in hell may the toaster be set on low and long, very long.

  17. Richard Sherbaniuk says:
    August 12, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    With regard to this guy’s brains, to quote Gertrude Stein, “There is no there there”.

  18. Martin de Vries says:
    August 13, 2016 at 5:50 am

    How can it be American Christians are this SICK!?
    Or must I say so-called Christians … they are Christian TALIBAN for crying outloud!

  19. Martin de Vries says:
    August 13, 2016 at 5:50 am

    How can it be American Christians are this SICK!?
    Or must I say so-called Christians … they are Christian TALIBAN for crying outloud!

  20. David Feeney says:
    August 13, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    How stupid do you have to be to be a Hagee?

  21. David Feeney says:
    August 13, 2016 at 4:29 pm

    How stupid do you have to be to be a Hagee?

  22. Jim Williams says:
    August 13, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    Part of the problem here is that John Hagee’s from the Plaboy era. Hugh Hefner liked generous bosoms, and of course everfybody liked Playboy. Unfortunately, lots of people drew the false inference that what we liked about Payboy were the boobs – a classic case of deliberate ignorance if ever there was one. Really, we men love all kinds of breasts. Hagee appears to be one of the many who were deceived.

  23. Richard L Heberly says:
    August 13, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    “counterfeit Christians”——look in the mirror John Hagee. you’ll see a counterfeit Christian. God has reserved a special place in hell for you and your kind.

  24. Jim Williams says:
    August 13, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    Part of the problem here is that John Hagee’s from the Plaboy era. Hugh Hefner liked generous bosoms, and of course everfybody liked Playboy. Unfortunately, lots of people drew the false inference that what we liked about Payboy were the boobs – a classic case of deliberate ignorance if ever there was one. Really, we men love all kinds of breasts. Hagee appears to be one of the many who were deceived.

  25. Lee MP Eisenberg says:
    August 14, 2016 at 12:10 am

    This man is an absolute freak show.

  26. Lee MP Eisenberg says:
    August 14, 2016 at 12:10 am

    This man is an absolute freak show.

  27. Tony Gentile says:
    August 14, 2016 at 7:53 am

    What a “freakin” idiot !!! A very dangerous and stupid man.

  28. Tony Gentile says:
    August 14, 2016 at 7:53 am

    What a “freakin” idiot !!! A very dangerous and stupid man.

  29. Dan Hayes says:
    August 14, 2016 at 12:18 pm

    As a Christian, he is embarrassing. As a person, he is an idiot.

  30. Anna Marion Howell says:
    August 14, 2016 at 6:41 pm

    I’m gayer than a Christmas basket and a natural double-E cup. Want to run that by me again, dude?

  31. Anna Marion Howell says:
    August 14, 2016 at 6:41 pm

    I’m gayer than a Christmas basket and a natural double-E cup. Want to run that by me again, dude?

  32. Diana Bell says:
    August 15, 2016 at 9:29 am

    Lesbians are flat chested? Ok, guilty as charged, but he’s not met my girlfriend, or her roommate, or her girlfriend…. or our sport playing lesbian friends, or my other friends, really it’s hit on like 1 out of 15, not good odds.

  33. Diana Bell says:
    August 15, 2016 at 9:29 am

    Lesbians are flat chested? Ok, guilty as charged, but he’s not met my girlfriend, or her roommate, or her girlfriend…. or our sport playing lesbian friends, or my other friends, really it’s hit on like 1 out of 15, not good odds.

  34. Bev Jo Von Dohre says:
    August 18, 2016 at 12:09 am

    He must never have seen Lesbians. Being more natural and less likely to obey male rules of fake femininity with starving/dieting, Lesbians are larger and with larger breasts than so many skinny, underweight het women who proudly want to look like adolescent boys.

    But the fact is that being a Lesbian or het or celibate is a choice.

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