GOP Demands War with China

WASHINGTON – Frustrated by recent near misses at armed conflicts in Syria and Iran, Republican leadership sent the Obama administration a harshly worded statement today, demanding that the President ratchet up the escalating tension between the United States and China and hopefully provoke all-out armed conflict.

Tensions in the Far East escalated last weekend after the Chinese government claimed an Air Defense Identification Zone in the waters of the East China Sea. The zone, which overlaps a similar zone claimed by Japan–including some uninhabited islands—is seen as an attempt by China to increase its influence in the area.  With both the US and China conducting operations in the disputed region as a way of testing the others’ resolve, the GOP sees an opportunity for a long awaited war, the third in the last twelve years.

“This president is certainly no stranger when it comes to getting us embroiled in diplomatic adventures,” said Eric Cantor (R-VA), citing the deal brokered this summer to convince Syria to turn over all of its chemical weapons, and this month’s accord that put a temporary freeze on Iran’s nuclear program.  “Now it’s time for him to break his habit of ploughshare-rattling and make with the bang-bang.  China’s far away; they don’t look like us, and if we win we’d never need to pay back our debt.  What more does he need?”

Cantor added that he believed the president is only giving the crisis careful thought and consideration because “he doesn’t want to fight with his fellow Commies.”

In the Senate, John McCain (R-AZ) echoed the need for conflict, calling it a national security issue.  “It’s been over a decade since we charged into war with an enemy we don’t understand and goals that are not readily identifiable,” said McCain.  With the war in Iraq over, and conflict in Afghanistan winding down, the senator says there are legitimate concerns for America’s fighting preparedness.  “How are our servicemen and women ever expected to stay sharp if they are not perpetually in harm’s way?”

McCain also noted that he does not consider the Obama administration’s intervention in last year’s Libiyan civil war as a sufficient example of “keeping the spear sharpened.”

“If we don’t even lose a single troop, it clearly doesn’t count,” stated McCain.