NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Subscribe
NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Customer Service
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Sales
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • DC
  • Politics

GOP Embraces Science – To Bring Back ‘Extinct Voters’

  • March 25, 2013
  • News Lo
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

WASHINGTON — Spurred by recent scientific advances in genetics that are getting close to being able to revive long-extinct species like the dodo bird and raptor dinosaurs, House Republicans today called for emergency funding for the National Science Institute for a “priority program” to bring back “extinct and near-extinct Republican voting groups,” including John Birchers, “traditional women,” and their largest base, “old, grumpy white men.”

“If scientists can bring back dodos, they can bring back Republican voters,” declared Rep. Paul Broun, a member of the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology, who last year memorably declared at a church picnic that evolution and the Big Bang theory “are lies straight from the pit of Hell.”

MSNBC host Rachel Maddow countered on her show that the putting “dodos” and “Republicans” in the same sentence was “redundant.”

The announcement caught many political observers by surprise because in recent years the GOP has become known as the “anti-science” party, largely due to its opposition to teaching evolution in schools, its refusal to acknowledge the age of the Earth or fund stem cell research, and its insistence that climate change is not a real phenomenon.

But Lamar Smith, the current chair of the House Science Committee, explained it this way: “Most of us Republicans on the Science, Space and Technology Committee lobbied to get on it because, you know, we don’t believe in science and want to prevent it. It’s well-known that most of the stuff coming out of laboratories these days contradicts the Bible.

“But we’ve been hearing for years that the GOP base is dead or a dying breed, and it’s clear we have no clue how to reach new voters. So when we heard about genetic advances to bring extinct species back, we thought ‘Heck. Bringing back extinct Republican voters – that’s science we can get behind.’”

Lamar called bringing back arch-conservative Republicans into the fold a “conservation project,” because it would “restore America to greatness”.

Smith’s vice chairman Rep. James Sensebrenner—who has characterized climate change theory as “massive international scientific fraud”—rebutted criticism that the GOP was calling for increased spending to resuscitate its voter base during the current sequestration.

“This won’t cost the taxpayer a dime,” Sensebrenner said. “We’ll just take the money from the climate change fund. People got to have some priorities!”

Though the technology is not yet sophisticated enough to repopulate the country with right-leaning voters, Smith explained that the GOP has other electoral options to fall back on in the meantime: “Until we can revive these once-flourishing Republican voters, we’ll just continue passing more restrictive ‘voter ID’ laws and, hopefully overturn the Voting Rights Act.’”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Extinct Voters
  • GOP Embraces science
  • GOP rejects science
  • GOP rejects science in America
  • GOP voters
  • GOP Voting blocs
  • news and gop
  • news humor and satire
Avatar of News Lo
News Lo

Welcome to Newslo! Our team of dedicated authors strives to deliver the latest and most important info on finance while infusing a dose of our own style to give you a unique experience. Whether you're looking for in-depth discussions on investments or solid finance tips, we have something for everyone. Our goal is to deliver you the best possible content. So, keep reading our articles and give us your feedback!

Previous Article
  • US

Moms of America Furious Over Lil Wayne’s Glorification of Epilepsy

  • March 22, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
Next Article
Lululemon
  • US

Lululemon Recalls Line of Yoga Pants Due to ‘Unacceptable Level of Paul Scheer-ness”

  • March 25, 2013
  • News Lo
View Post
NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy
Navigating the world of finance, one step at a time.

Input your search keywords and press Enter.