WASHINGTON – Thanks to Representative Blake Farenthold (R-Tex.), the GOP may have found a way to circumvent partisan gridlock and impeach at least the black half of President Obama. Farenthold explained to a group of constituents in Texas that while the House of Representatives could garner enough votes to impeach President Obama, the inevitable gridlock among the partisan Senate would fail to oust the president.
“So, as a bit of a compromise,” said Farenthold, “I suggest the House only impeach Obama’s black half.” Farenthold told a town hall meeting full of giddy constituents that upon impeachment, the Senate would then have the option to oust Obama’s black half from office via a two-thirds majority.
“It’s the perfect solution,” continued Farenthold. “Seriously, how could this not work?”
When asked how exactly the House could impeach someone’s “black half,” Farenthold answered with great confidence. “Well, it’d basically force Obama to be less black and you know – more white. Instead of pandering to Obamacare and welfare recipients, he’d bully minorities and generally just be more of an asshole,” continued Farenthold. “And he’d definitely have to stop watching Tyler Perry, but he could still vacation in Martha’s Vineyard.”
Farenthold’s “solution” has been met with approval by many of his GOP counterparts, particularly Representative Ted Yoho (R. – Fla.). In January 2013, Yoho decried Obama’s”unconstitutional Nationalization of GM and Chrysler” and voiced a strong desire to impeach the American President. Predictably, nothing ever came of it.
“I can’t believe we hadn’t thought of this sooner,” said Yoho. “We’re the GOP for Christ’s sake. Using race as a scapegoat is what we do.” When asked if the GOP would ever consider impeaching Obama’s white half, Yoho laughed. “Let’s not get crazy here. We can’t have a black man running this country.”