GOP Senator Warns Obamacare Will Lead to Anarchy

WASHINGTON – Sen. Roy Blunt, R-Mo., this week defended his party’s opposition to the Affordable Care Act as “humanity’s last chance to turn back the coming tide of anarchy.” His remark came in response to the recent report from the Congressional Budget Office indicating that, due to the law, more than two million Americans will be freed from ‘job lock’ – the restrictive link between jobs and health insurance that has kept many workers from leaving their employment.

The Republican senator was adamant that allowing Americans to leave their jobs without risking their family’s health benefits would lead to the breakdown of Western civilization. “I think any law you pass that discourages people from working can’t be a good idea,” he said. “Why would we wanna do that? Why would we think that’s a good thing?

“If you don’t need a job in order to have health insurance, what’s to stop you from running through the streets in war paint screaming obscenities and burning churches to the ground?” he continued. “Not a damn thing.”

Sen. Ben Cardin, D-Md., appearing on Fox News alongside Blunt, tried to convince his fellow senator that severing the ties between health insurance and employment might not lead to the total destruction of American society. “In some cases, these people might have two jobs because of these health benefits,” he argued. “Now, they don’t need to work two full-time jobs to get their health benefits.”

“Idiot!” shouted an increasingly irate Blunt. “What do you think they’re doing with the time they used to spend at that second job? Plotting revolution! You’re so blind!

“The best face you can probably put on [people being able to leave their jobs without losing their health benefits] is that people who don’t wanna work don’t have to work,” added Blunt. “Surely that’s not what we wanna encourage. We need a quiet, sullen, and obedient America. And Obamacare, by freeing Americans to leave humiliating, degrading jobs if they choose without the consequence of losing health insurance, is stoking the fires of chaos!”