Gov. Christie Demands Edible Marijuana Be Sold in 100-Calorie Packs

TRENTON, N.J. — New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie Friday opened the door to expanded medical marijuana options for certain patients in the state, asking the legislature for only minor changes to the bill. Should it pass, qualified children would be permitted to consume an edible form of marijuana, albeit only 100 calories at a time.

“As I have repeatedly noted,” said Christie, “I believe that parents, and not government regulators, are best suited to decide how to care for their children.”

“But when it comes to what people consume, I know from personal experience that some cannot be trusted to regulate their intake,” continued Christie, patting his belly. “I’m requesting some commonsense regulations to ensure that patients are able to savor the relief that comes from the medicinal effects of marijuana without counteracting the dramatic weight loss that ordinarily accompanies their illnesses.”

While many patients look to the drug to assuage the loss of hunger brought on by their condition or treatment, the governor indicated that his primary responsibility was to ensure that any ramifications of expanded access, including the sudden strong desire for food commonly experienced by cannabis users—a side effect referred to in the medical literature as “the munchies”—would not add unnecessary baggage to his presidential aspirations.

By way of justifying his proposal to restrict the edible remedy to minors, Christie observed, “Children have parents to monitor their intake and these fun-sized 100-calorie packs will keep their appetites in check. Trust me, this is better than the adjustable gastric band I use to control my eating. Most adults lack the personal responsibility necessary to resist the temptation to overindulge.”

Brian Wilson declared Christie’s stance a small, if incomplete, victory for patients and their families. If enacted, the bill would grant his 2-year-old daughter Vivian access to a previously unavailable strain of marijuana with high levels of cannabidiol that could help manage her otherwise intractable form of epilepsy. Moreover, compared to the medicated lozenges, the edible format is also more suitable for youngsters in that they present less of a choking hazard.