AUSTIN, Texas — Gov. Rick Perry has a message for the tens of thousands of Central American migrants attempting to cross the border into his state, “You’re messing with the wrong Texan.” Unfortunately for Perry, he’s militarizing the wrong border.
“Someone needs to give the governor a remedial geography lesson,” said state Sen. Wendy Davis, who is looking to become Texas’ next governor. “New Mexico, the state, and Mexico, the country, are two very different things.”
Perry announced last week that he would send 1,000 National Guard troops to the border, boldly moving to stem the flood of migrants entering the U.S. illegally, where Congress has so far refused to take decisive action—or at least in the same general vicinity.
By all accounts, Perry intended to dispatch the troops along the state’s porous 1,200-mile border with Mexico. However, his signed order directs the National Guard to patrol areas adjoining New Mexico. At press time, the apparent error has yet to be corrected.
Gov. Perry’s office officially declined comment on this matter. Someone close to the governor, speaking on the condition of anonymity, indicated that Perry is reluctant to admit another mistake, for fear that doing so would harm his presidential ambitions.
Gaffes have become familiar territory for the governor, who is known just as much for his slapstick as for his cowboy demeanor.
“I will not stand idly by while our citizens are under assault, and little children from Central America are detained in squalor,” said Perry at the Texas Capitol as he announced the deployment. “You’ve got migrants fleeing the terrible conditions in the Northern Triangle of Guatemala, El Salvador, and…ahh…ahhh. I can’t, the third one. Sorry,” Perry added with a shrug. “Oops.”
Wherever the troops find themselves, they are to carry out ground and air operations at an estimated cost of $12 million a month, which the governor intends the federal government to pay. Because Perry did an end run around Washington in calling the troops to action, they may also have the power to make arrests.
Even if Perry sent the troops to the right place along the Texas-old Mexico border, critics note that many of the migrants are already willingly turning themselves in, rendering the buildup pointless.
Said Susana Martínez, governor of New Mexico, “I’m just thankful Perry didn’t confuse my office here Santa Fe for his in Austin. New Mexico can deal with troops at our border, but I’m not sure we could survive with Perry mismanaging our state.”
11 comments
congratulations Texas ou found someone dumber than Dubya
Is this a joke. New Mexico??????????? He and his staff can’t be that stupid can they?
There are many TEA baggers who don’t seem to be aware that Hawaii is part of the US. And many college and university have referred student applicant from New Mexico to their foreign student admissions office. Is it any wonder we have a high percentage of idiots in charge.
Click on the “ABOUT US” link on this site. Newslo is a SATIRE site (but you can almost believe Perry would do it).
Governor good hair doesn’t know which border to send troops to. Texas will be out $12000000 a month because of this idiot. The feds won’t pay the bill.
The line between truth and satire is becoming thinner by the moment. Well done Newlo.
Frist off the us goverment ain’t spendin a dime to hopefuly not cover this bs its us we the people who will pay the bill
Once finally documented, the expense should be paid from Perry’s retirement benefits
Come on now—are you serious, Governor Rick Perry? You don’t know the difference between Mexico and New Mexico????? Surely you jest.
I HOPE THE GOVERNMENT DOESN’T SPEND TAX PAYERS MONEY FOR RICK RACK STUPIDITY.
Mr oops perry can’t seem to remember more than two of anything, too many oxycontins in his system!