TRENTON, N.J.  —  New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and Newark Mayor Cory Booker both plan on rolling out new brand initiatives in 2013 that will continue to push both politicians down people’s throats all the way through the 2016 presidential election.

Each Garden State politician is offering a special gift in exchange for donations to their widely-assumed 2016 Presidential bids. Governor Christie will be coming out with a learning software program called “Rosetta Yeller,” while Mayor Booker is offering “Life Saver” coupons.

“Rosetta Yeller is the next step in me becoming the fattest, most obnoxious president in United States history since Taft,” said Governor Christie. “The great thing about this program is that I will not only teach you how to yell at your co-workers and people on the street, but I’ll show you how to degrade family and loved ones. With ‘Rosetta Yeller’ you will be able to crap on everyone…figuratively of course.”

As for Mayor Booker, for every $1,000 you donate to his 2016 presidential campaign on CoryBooker.com, you receive a “Life Saver coupon, good for one free call to the Newark mayor when you need to be saved from a burning building or pulled from a flooding river.

Mayor Booker couldn’t be reached because he was in the process of taping the first show on his new television network “Booker,” which provides 24/7 coverage of the mayor. However, according to Mayor Booker’s senior advisor, David Giordano, camera crews will be following Booker on each heroic act he performs. As Giordano puts it, “Not only will ‘Life Saver’ coupon members get to be saved by the mayor himself, but they also will get a donation packet for the 2016 Presidential race. What else could you possibly want from a politician?”