Greinke Excited About Never Playing Hard Again After Big Payday

LOS ANGELES — The day has finally arrived for pitcher Zack Greinke to realize that all those long, miserable years with the Kansas City Royals were worth it. Greinke recently agreed to a six-year, $147 million deal with the Los Angeles Dodgers, and he has made his future intentions clear.

“I’m really looking forward to taking it easy for the rest of my career,” said Greinke. “Especially being here in LA with the awesome weather and overall laidback attitude… there’s no chance of me taking baseball seriously.”

Much has been expected from Greinke since he was drafted out of high school by the Kansas City Royals in 2002. After spending more time on the Royals than any man should, he has been traded twice within two years. Greinke’s deal with the Dodgers is now the second-biggest contract ever for a pitcher (behind C.C. Sabathia’s current contract with the Yankees).

Greinke has contacted past superstars who tanked after receiving huge contracts. His first call was to current San Francisco Giant pitcher Barry Zito. Zito signed a seven-year, $126 million deal with the Giants in 2007 and has performed nowhere near his all-star level of play before the signing. “Barry told me how to fake anxiety attacks to get a medical marijuana card. Getting that will be key to maximize my laissez-faire approach.”

Greinke has also spoken with Alex Rodriguez, who reminded Greinke that baseball is an “April to September” job, even if your team is playing in October.