Grover Norquist Revealed to be Fictional Creation of Mainstream Media

NEW YORK — A startling development in fiscal cliff negotiations was uncovered this morning when an MSNBC executive accidentally revealed libertarian Grover Norquist, creator of the Taxpayer Protection Pledge, to be a fictional character created as part of the larger mainstream media narrative.

With the United States hurtling toward the fiscal cliff, Democrats have been increasingly critical of Republican allegiance to the Taxpayer Protection Pledge, an agreement to oppose tax increases under any and all circumstances. Their disbelief at the radical commitment has finally been validated, since neither the pledge nor its creator is a physical entity.

“Look, Grover Norquist was introduced decades ago as a hypothetical embodiment of the libertarian ethos,” admitted Bill Wolff, MSNBC Vice President of Primetime Programming, in an interview with Media Matters. “Then Republicans began claiming allegiance to his philosophies, and then more started vehemently defending an oath they never took, until none of us were really sure if he was real or not.”

Since then, Norquist and his pledge have become a reliable stock storyline for news outlets. While many Americans believe that the mainstream media had exaggerated the relevance of the pledge through its incessant coverage and condemnation of Norquist, few doubted his actual existence—even his stringent supporters in Congress.

“It’s weird, because I have no recollection of ever signing that pledge” confessed Senator Richard Shelby of Alabama, “It’s kind of one of those things you just accept on its face, like the fact that stem cell research leads to post-natal abortion of autistic children.”

“But who’s to say he isn’t as real as your or me?” continued Shelby. “If we all believe in him, well, doesn’t that make him real?”