WASHINGTON – “It is really just a family friendly day with a focus on military-grade assault rifles,” said Chip Smith, gun shop owner and co-sponsor of Gun Appreciation Day. While the event is scheduled a mere two days before the inauguration, Smith took great pains to make it clear that the underwriters of Gun Appreciation Day do not believe that President Obama is a Kenyan communist who hates guns. The day’s sponsors just want to make sure that if a Kenyan communist were ever elected president, that all Americans, including toddlers, could defend themselves.
Smith is planning on setting up a bunch of wholesome activities at a fairground in the Santa Fe area. Some of the planned events include:
- A space themed shooting gallery for pre-teens. The gallery will depict a post-apocalyptic America where 8-12 year olds will try to kill as many aliens (named Pliberals, with a silent P) as possible.
- A Wild West themed contest. In which participants will see how many headshots they can score on a fictitious female outlaw named Nance Paloosi.
- A freedom wall game. Where shooters will stand behind a “freedom wall” and shoot at brown objects that are thrown over.
Smith understands that not everyone in attendance will be a shooter. For all the non-shooters a DJ tent, playing techno mashups of Ted Nugent and dramatic readings of the second amendment, will be set up. Young boys will be able to make model AK-47’s and girls will be able to bedazzle pro-gun bumper stickers like “guns don’t kill people, people do” and “guns cause crime like flies cause garbage.”
Smith says that it is important to him that the event is not seen as anti-Obama. “If I hated the president so much would I really be giving out free targets emblazed with his face?”