Hackers Take Over 250K Twitter Accounts in Stunning Waste of Specialized Skills, Education

SAN FRANCISCO — An anonymous group hacked 250,000 Twitter accounts earlier this week in a spectacular display of specialized skills being put to total waste.

Twitter’s information security director Bob Lord said that these hackers were “not amateurs,” making the attack even more absurd, as such knowledgeable individuals could easily become gainfully employed in a well-paying position directly out of college, with plenty of opportunity for upwards mobility. Instead, Lord said, they opted to apply their education and organizational skills towards a completely fruitless venture with virtually no real-world consequences, for which they will not even be credited.

Lord estimates that hundreds of thousands of tweets that could have been published from those accounts have now been lost, impacting society “literally, in no way, on any level, positively or negatively.”

“It’s like multiplying by zero,” said Lord. “Every single one of those tweets was entirely devoid of value.”

These tweets would likely include “inane personal anecdotes, weak puns, several year-old jokes… and vague complaints about everyday trivialities” that would reportedly be rife with grammatical errors and a deep underestimation of just how insignificant such petty observations are.

Investigations are still being conducted for some reason, but fingers are already being pointed towards China. The nation reportedly finds such accusations insulting.