NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Blogs
  • US

Four Ways Harley-Davidson’s Electric Motorcycle Will Destroy America

  • June 20, 2014
  • NewsLo
  • 6 comments
  • 3 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

TABLE OF CONTENTS

  • It Will Destroy Our Manhood 
  • It Will Strangle Our Freedom
  • Hippies Will Be Riding Harley’s 
  • No Gasoline Means the Liberals Win

It Will Destroy Our Manhood 

America is about getting out there in public and showing everyone within a three-mile radius that you are tougher and more virile than they could ever be. The best and most effective way to do that is with your legs wrapped around a rumbling Harley, ripping down Main Street at fifty miles per hour. It’s all about the decibels, baby. Every time a child starts crying or an old lady covers her ears in pain, you know you’ve made your point–that you’ve got a package too big to fit in a four-wheeled vehicle–and that’s the most satisfying feeling there is.

But the “engine” in this new Harley is entirely silent. That’s right: Instead of bystanders watching you pass and thinking, “Wow, there goes a real man, one not afraid to disturb the peace,” all they’ll see is a well-mannered eunuch whirring quietly down the street.

Let’s face it. With this bike, Harley-Davidson is turning thousands of us into transsexuals. Because everyone knows: No combustion engine means no penis, literally.  

It Will Strangle Our Freedom

One of the best parts of owning a Harley is just hitting the roads on a whim—taking off and driving for however long you like, not knowing where you’re heading (but pretty sure you’re headed to a river lot party where you heard there was a keg of Coors).

With the LiveWire, that kind of open-road freedom won’t be possible anymore.

This thing can only go 50 miles before it needs a charge, which isn’t even enough for the round trip to most backwoods strip clubs. Its top speed also clocks out at an embarrassingly menstrual 92-mph. I think my grandmother’s Hoveround can beat that, and I can tell you this: there’s probably more dignity riding in a motorized scooter, too. 

Hippies Will Be Riding Harley’s 

It’s inevitable–once America’s hippie horde finds out they can experience the joys and sexual arousals of riding a Harley, but still be “green” while doing so, they’ll be selling all their most precious hemp jewelry and foregoing the next Phish festival to save up for a LiveWire. I don’t blame them–if I was a smelly, keefer-encrusted hippie, I’d want in on the Harley action too.

But you know what? They’re not welcome. Harley isn’t just a motorcycle brand–it’s an entire culture, a closed society with no room for dreadlocks and pot (unless they also come with tattoos and meth). Take it from me: Once hippies start encroaching into our territory, we Harley die-hards will stop riding all together, rather than be forced to share the road with them.

And just remember: There can be no America without platoons of hirsute, heavy-bellied men roaring across Her highways, bringing joy and the smell of sweaty leather to every town and dive bar in which they stop. Without us, American has about two weeks before it becomes, essentially, Canada.

No Gasoline Means the Liberals Win

In war, you cannot give an inch, or you’ll end up giving a mile.

This bike, the LiveWire, is like ceding an entire county. “What’s the big deal?” you ask. I’ll tell you what the big freaking deal is.

This thing runs with electrical power only. Take a minute to reread that sentence. Sure, maybe gasoline is bad in some ways, but it’s all we know—and the Democrats are coming for it.

If they take away our gasoline—sweet, sensual, carbon-rich gasoline—the liberals—and they are everywhere, I can assure you—will only become emboldened and start taking away other things too. What if they just decide that chain wallets are hurting the environment, or that ZZ Top causes bird extinctions? Will they take away those, too?

You’re goddamn right they will. That, and a whole lot more.

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • Harley-Davidson
  • Newslo
  • Newsman
NewsLo

Previous Article
Apple Users Google ‘Bing’ to Make Sense of Company’s New Default Search Engine 1
  • Today's Headlines
  • US

Apple Users Google ‘Bing’ to Make Sense of Company’s New Default Search Engine

  • June 19, 2014
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
‘A Million Ways to Die in the West,’ as Seen by a Girlfriend Who Felt Guilty Saying ‘No’ 2
  • Blogs
  • Entertainment
  • Today's Headlines

‘A Million Ways to Die in the West,’ as Seen by a Girlfriend Who Felt Guilty Saying ‘No’

  • June 20, 2014
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
best franchises to own
View Post
  • US

5 of the Most Lucrative & Best Franchises to Own in 2020

  • NewsLo
  • March 16, 2020
how to make money while traveling
View Post
  • Blogs

Proven Ways on How to Make Money While Traveling Full-Time

  • NewsLo
  • August 31, 2019
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogs Feature

The Right to Keep and Bear Arms Law in the United States

  • NewsLo
  • April 12, 2018
Toys R Us app
View Post
  • Blogs
  • Blogger's Corner

Can the New Toys R Us App Save The Company from Total Annihilation?

  • NewsLo
  • October 9, 2017
ted cruz religion refugees
View Post
  • Featured
  • Politics
  • US
  • US-Feature

Ted Cruz News: “Helping Texans Is Not Like Helping New Orleans, Hurricane Sandy Was Righteous”

  • NewsLo
  • August 28, 2017
donald trump crazy tweets
View Post
  • Blogs Feature
  • Blogs
  • Featured

Donald Trump Defeat His Own Crazy Tweets: “There Is No Way I Wrote Them My Self”

  • NewsLo
  • August 16, 2017
rand paul news
View Post
  • Featured
  • US
  • US-Feature

Rand Paul: “We Don’t Care If Trump Is Found Guilty Of Cheating During Election, He Legally Has The Power To Pardon Himself”

  • NewsLo
  • July 25, 2017
ken ham tax
View Post
  • Featured
  • US
  • US-Feature

Ken Ham: “God Owns All Of Earth And Everything On It Anyway, So Why Should He Pay Tax To Himself? It’s Pointless”

  • NewsLo
  • July 23, 2017
6 comments
  1. Randy Forrest says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    wow stupid comments I ride harley and love sound, but dont speed down main street and try to scare children or old ladies , like to go on runs to help people ie cancer ect, this is the back wards thinking that gives bikers a bad name.

    Log in to Reply
  2. Roger Whitaker says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    The and tags are invisible on this site….

    Log in to Reply
  3. Steve Basil Marks says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    JUNK !

    Log in to Reply
  4. Davo Panama says:
    October 24, 2014 at 3:35 am

    get a lifee

    Log in to Reply
  5. Brian R. Luker says:
    October 21, 2015 at 12:35 pm

    Just indelible impressions https://silkroadexplore.com/blog/kyrgyzstan-car-rentals-helpful-hints-to-prepare-for-your-trip/

    Log in to Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.